Wednesday, August 17, 2011

I was a quick wet boy diving too deep for coins

I would like to apologize for my behaviour lately. Especially to the close ones, sorry for the misunderstanding, it shouldn't have been like this. I'm going through alot, try to understand. As I'm only a teenager.

I don't know what happen to me or what I've done wrongly or why have I been behaving in this way . Maybe I'm suffering from depression or I fear a number of things that's happen around me . My studies, the people around me, my own time management, my health and my thoughts . I've kept a number of stuff inside me, I don't know who I can talk to. It's like everything is kept inside for so long that one will break down so easily .

Today was really a tiring day for me, other then the muscles aching that I've got from my training, I'm pretty much tired as I've been sleeping rather late as I'm starting to study for my EOY. Well, I'm doing whatever shit I can to catch up with whatever that I'm lacking behind. Idk if you can tell that I'm trying my best but I am. I'm giving my all but my weekly schedule is so packed and school so late end. Then still have to practice piano and prepare myself for the theory exam I'm sitting at the 29th Oct . There's so much that going on putting studies aside. No one would ever clearly understand what one is going through in their life but one can always give that very person a special warm hug and that would really be enough .

Today when I got home I actually can't bother to shower and went to take a nap as I was having a really bad headache and it wasn't quite a day for me. Things doesn't go the way one always want them to be. Despite what had happened to me before dinner. Is it wrong for me to have a headache or feeling hurt for being left alone or is it wrong not to put up a smile on my face when I'm feeling so down. I really don't know .

Please, don't always assume that I'm showing you my attitude. For instance, sometimes I just want to be quiet but that doesn't mean that i don't want to talk to you because I'm angry or unhappy . You have no idea what's going on in my mind, emotions running everywhere. Do you know how hard it is for me to not break down and have that strong front that I have to put up to the people around me . Trying my best to not let the slightest of the thin that's happening affect me. Facing whatever that comes, accepting things that we can't change or being fearless but courageous . Stepping out of my comfort zone. 

Please, people don't live to please others or up to other peoples' standards . People are how they are and there's nothing we can change about it so might as well change your view on them.And one more thing, I don't mind being alone but I hate the fact of being left alone. I can't stand it because whenevr that happens..depression start kicking in..  

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